Have you ever felt so pissed off at someone, but you didn’t want to feel that way, so it made you even more mad? And you would try and try to fix the relationship, but you seemed to get mad again and again almost every time you interacted with them? You may have even gone silent on them for days, months or even years at a time with no communication because you couldn’t stand to them long enough to have a 15-minute visit?

If you are anything like me and have gone through something similar than you are going to want to finish reading this in its entirety.

Because there is a major a twist in doing our own healing that we do not tend to think of while we are going through it.

You see, my dad and I had an extremely rocky relationship. He was an alcoholic and was a totally different person when under the influence than when he was sober. 

When drinking he was short tempered, angry, and shut down.

When sober he was caring, funny, and extremely supportive.

So, as you can see there was an extreme conflict between his personalities which made it extremely difficult to navigate a relationship with him.

Each time I would see I always stemmed the question before arriving “would I get the angry version or the loving version?”  

Well, it all shifted when I told him I would stop playing basketball by which he thought I was a fool and making the wrong decision.

So he got upset and took it upon himself to take me to court and legally disowned me as his son and emancipated me.

For me, this was heart breaking as young person and it really crushed me.

This was the icing on the cake, so I ghosted him for a few years and didn’t talk to because of this and all the physical beat ups I received when he was drunk. 

Aka, I had a lot of anger and disgust towards him during that time of my life.

After 4 years I try talking to him again slowly and as I do I start my personal development journey where I was introduced to Joe Dispenza and my healing journey began.

For some time my dad and I talked occasionally while I lived in California and he lived in Indiana where I am from. 

I started to attend seminars and really getting interested in healing myself because I was tired of holding onto so much crap, especially pertaining to my dad.

As I started to become aware that a lot of my pain and suffering was geared towards my dad I was able to really expedite my healing process.

So as I was at a seminar, the speaker was discussing the relationship between a son and his dad which was almost scary how on point he was.

But it helped me get super clear on where the disconnects were happening and helped me see where I was holding onto the pain.

Which began to force me to take responsibility for the emotions I was holding onto towards him which sucked in the moment, but goodness was it freeing in the end.

So here I am at this seminar, and they send us on a break for 30 minutes where I run to my room and have this strong desire to write him a letter.

Mind you I hated writing and thought I was no good at it but what came out of me was truly astonishing.

In this letter, I tell him he emancipated me and it crushed me. I told him how mad it made me but I also told him that I didn’t realize at the time that it was teaching me how to be my own man. It taught me how to step up to life and not back down. I told him that I no longer blame him but more importantly that I think him. I thanked him for helping me become successful in life and told him that he did a great job.

This letter changed my life!

Because in this letter I was willing to heal, I was aware of the issue, I took responsibility for my role in the pain I felt, I forgave him and MYSELF & finally found gratitude for the lesson it taught me.

A couple days after I wrote this letter, I finally brought it back out and read it out loud to my sister for the first time.

And when I did my whole world shifted and so did my dad’s.

Because when I read that letter out loud I released him from my prison simultaneously releasing myself from it also.

And within the hour of talking to my sister he had felt my healing and passed away as he knew his job was complete.

There was an energetic shift from me to him thousands of miles away from each other.

It was truly remarkable.

A couple weeks after he passed, I was meditating when I heard Letters of Transformation – A Bridge to Healing.

And today the journal you see today came from this experience.

After this experience the anger, confusion and abandonment disappeared.

Which created space for blessing after blessing because I opened myself to the universe rather than being closed and protected.

I became a great listener and allowed more compassion to myself which then allowed me to provide more compassion to others.

I started to allow more empathy into my life which led me to my authentic self to be discovered.

The truth is that it does not matter how you get there it just matters that you get there.

And my only hope is that my story inspires you to find the courage within yourself to begin that journey and if you have already begun than you stick it out because it is SO WORTH IT.